got a nice job from next april

so as it is. i got it. and i'm totally happy with it; not only the result but also the process that it made me go through. i'll be working for one ad agency here in japan which is partly american, partly japanese and partly french.

it's not that i've gone through the mental breakdown or the breakdown of my being when in the process of job hunting like they often say. i didnt have to go through that stage as i had already been starting to accept who i am, thanks to the breakdown in uppsala. but i got the better understanding of myself through the process with some fresh findings on me.

that is, i figured out what means the most to me and what i can never give in to any other. and i realized how largely those useless prides, like i should be in this trading company for instance cos i'm good enough, binded me. i always was standing on the pride of some kind of excellency that i hold and should be holding. it was natural for me to think that way looking back the environment that i grew up, namely my relatives. but it couldnt be the most important thing to me at the end.
one thing i never can't give in to any other is:

"what's essential is invisible to the eye."

like the human's heart. important things are there but you often cant see them and they often are intangible. so have to sense them. and if there's any eye to see them, then it's the eye of your heart. (so explicable why i wrote about fairies for the grad thesis of high school)

and another thing that is important for me is:

"people, or human beings, are what intrigues me and means a lot to me."

it doesnt mean that i love people. well, i like people in the way i hate them at the same time. the thing is, i can embrace the contradictions that human withholds and those might be the things that i want to look into deeply and treasure and face through my whole life. and i am proud of myself that, after all the heart breaking things, i still dont hate human beings entirely and even can face and accept their vicious nature.

and where those two converged was the ad agency, which you always have to think what a targeted group thinks often unconsciously and come up with the ideas of communicating with them often not in the linguistic way. in other words, you have to look into the people's heart, and often have to sense it, and come up with the way of communication that the ideas or the feelings get shared by sensing them and not by tangible rationale.
(and this aspect is what i always had when studying conflicts; it is not rationale in the end and people's heart matters both in escalating the conflicts or de-escalating them. and i always was looking into the conflicts form the point of view of "why one man could kill the other.")

and one last but not least thing is that there's no perfect job per se only for you. at least, at this moment of my life; i cant tell what job perfectly suits me so clearly in details. but i can make it the perfect job for me by working hard with all my best. that way i'll have to face more and learn more.