一番大きな岐路

なんで商社なんか受けたんだろう？

どこまで自分は自分のことが分かっているのだろう？
自分の中に色々な面があって、才能があって、自分でも全然それを拾いきれていない。
色々な面があるということは悪い面もたくさんあるのだろうけど、今はとても才能に近いものが見えたりする。
これから先、まだ、先は長くて開けてて、だから、可能性をいくらでも感じる。
この感覚はちょうど高校の終わり以来。
高校生の様な盲目な希望はないけれど、自分への期待感はある。
この「期待感」を感じたのは何年ぶりだろう。。。きっと大学2年生から失っていた。
このプライドとかの関係ない、純粋な期待感はとても意外だし、忘れていたから新鮮だし、明るい。
同時に、自分の「やりたいこと」として形にできない自分に悩むけれど。
脚本家になりたかったけれども、彼らが世の中に与える価値を肯定できなかった自分がいた。
でも、そこに戻ってきた。
「そうそう！映画で有名なのはNYUとUniversity of Southern Californiaなんだよね！高校のとき、進学も考えて調べたんだよ！脚本家になりたかったからね！」
こんなことを4年ぶりに語った自分に驚いたし、そんなこと就活中ですらすっかり忘れてた。
「向いているんじゃない？そういうクリエイティブ！」と言われてすごく驚いたけれど、本当に嬉しかった。
だって、自分では向いていると高校生のときからひそかにずっと思っていたから。でも、
「そういうものは学ぶものでもないし、才能だけだ。食っていけるのはほんの少し。やめろ。」
こう言われて、結局無難にSFCに進学した自分がいた。世間的にも良い学校だし、位置づけ的に自分のプライドも満たされた気がした。そうやって、安全牌を取ってきた。

一度でも勝負をしたことがあっただろうか。
大きなリスクをとって。人生を賭けて。
まだ一度もない。
心の中になにか引っかかったものを感じながら、生きていくのか。
キャリアプランなんてものを一々考えて、安全牌と王道を並べて、結局ゴールが一番後回しになり、ぼやけている。
そんなもの何が意味があるんだ！！！！！最初にゴールを、やりたいことを自分で宣言してしまうくらいの勇気を持て！！
気合を持て！！責任を持て！！

そこを考えろ。
後回しにするな。
目をつぶるな。
下手に自分のプライドを満たすな。

脚本家になって、コトバで人生を切り取って、ウソで本当の人生としてつなげたいんですか。
武力紛争解決の交渉人になりたいんですか。

life and confidence

i don't know what life is. it's been more than a year yet some parts in me still left unmended, some parts still left to be lost. i dont know where this feeling leads me to. life, as such, is all chaos for insiders, so easy for outsiders. making sense out of it and being happy about it are two different issues which dont get along so often. anything that happens to you is all explicable saying "life happens and it doesnt work out the way you want." but then, what's the point of living a life if you cant be happy about it in the vast majority of its time. maybe there are some 'happy' moments that overcomes everything but i doubt it as i have never experienced anything like that. or maybe 22.5 years are yet just too short to encounter those moments.

it is also true that some parts in me mended for now. one, i could accept and internalized the things i've been through and what they meant to me. and for two, after the last two years of creating, challenging and ruining my chances, and job hunting, i somehow now get the clue of who i am. but that doesnt make life much easier nor happier than i expected it to be.

maybe the last two years were the process of losing my confidence and recovering from which i still am suffering to regain the confidence entirely. getting a perfect job that suits me was not much of a help than i thought it would be. i need confidence so that i can cope with ppl happily and to make myself happy. how am i supposed to interact with ppl when my being as such doesnt exist in me? i just have to block all the incoming interactions so that i dont feel myself getting infringed. or it's just that i dont have much ppl that i can feel safe being with after i came back here as all my friends are scattered for now in the sense of where they are as they have started working already.

writing a perfect dissertation as the sum result to show my uni years, efforts and devotions would be the great help for me to regain my confidence. but then, i hate to be in this circumstance that nobody really understands how good it is, and that way, i miss uppsala terribly. of course, i'm writing it for myself but it still is dissapointing that they dont understand what the paper means and the paper and i dont get acknowledged! well, i'm doing it for me and not f*cking for them.

今度決めたことはやり通す。

今、NHK教育番組「マイロード」という番組で、中澤佑二を隔週で取り上げている。
その中で、思ったこと。

「意志の強さ」。
結局これがすべての物事を成すのだろう、ということ。

彼は、高校も県の一次予選で敗退しているし。部の中での立場も昔の僕にすごい似ていた。
そこで、サッカーを続ける選択をした彼と、テニスをやめる決断をした僕。
ずっとはっきりと心の中にプロになると決めていた彼と、なりたいと思うところでとまっていた僕。
センスがあるわけではないのだろうから、本当に普通の子だったのだろうから、この意志の強さが彼をあそこまで引き上げたのだろう。先が見えず、何も保証されない中で、ずっと継続し続ける強さは、実感として身に沁みる。

やっと人生の中でこれに賭けてみようと思うものを掴み始めてきた。
だからこそ、もっと明確にヴィジョンを持ち、計画を持ち、意思を持ってやり通すことが大切。
でないと、20年後にも同じことを考えている気がする。
それを考えて、今、就職や院やその他などの決断をするべき時なのだと思う。
そういう大きな節目を迎えようとしているし、自分の人生を自分で動かし、責任を持つ時が来ていると思う。

kiva.org: the idea that changes the world!

the fascinating idea that changes the world: www.kiva.org.
the chance that calls for individuals not organs or agencies to gather and provide the chance to be connected. and it's not petition, it's business. one good way to lead the bridle and benefit from globalization and perhaps capitalism.

余命一ヶ月の花嫁

TBSで今日「余命一ヶ月の花嫁」という番組が2時間やってました。
内容について詳しくは、上のサイトを見てください。

こういう番組は何回見ても、その時に感じた今生きていることの幸せや凄さや大切さを忘れてしまっていることに気付く。その時その時をしっかり生きることがどんなに大切で幸せで、けれども大変かを思い知らされる。

人生には色々な節目があって、見方の角度があって、色々な要素があって、少しでも多くそういったことを人と関わって感じて、色々な人の人生の中に、そして、自分の人生の中でも感じていきたいと思った。それはどんな仕事を選ぶかにも関わると思う。

「毎日病室で何をしてるの？」と聞かれて、「生きてる！」と答えたその彼女より「生きてる」人はその瞬間地球上にいなかったのだろうし、「こんな都会でも風って気持ちいいんだよ。知ってた？」とテレビ越しに言われた感覚は言葉で言い表せるのだろうか。

最近、「つながり」というものをよく考えるようになった。
それは、例えば、スウェーデンにいても、シンガポールにいても、日本にいても、その他の場所にいてもみんな同じ空気を吸って、同じ空を見て、同じ星を見ていることだったり。
そして、それは、生と死だったり、思いと言葉だったり、区切れるものなんて、何もないのだ、と感じてしまう。

あと、彼女は、「若い人ほど健康管理に気を使ってほしい」という思いから、テレビの前に出てくれた。だから、そういったことからはじめてもいいと思う。特に自分は。そう思ったのに彼女の分まで実行して健康にならなかったら、とても失礼だと思う。

got a nice job from next april

so as it is. i got it. and i'm totally happy with it; not only the result but also the process that it made me go through. i'll be working for one ad agency here in japan which is partly american, partly japanese and partly french.

it's not that i've gone through the mental breakdown or the breakdown of my being when in the process of job hunting like they often say. i didnt have to go through that stage as i had already been starting to accept who i am, thanks to the breakdown in uppsala. but i got the better understanding of myself through the process with some fresh findings on me.

that is, i figured out what means the most to me and what i can never give in to any other. and i realized how largely those useless prides, like i should be in this trading company for instance cos i'm good enough, binded me. i always was standing on the pride of some kind of excellency that i hold and should be holding. it was natural for me to think that way looking back the environment that i grew up, namely my relatives. but it couldnt be the most important thing to me at the end.
one thing i never can't give in to any other is:

"what's essential is invisible to the eye."

like the human's heart. important things are there but you often cant see them and they often are intangible. so have to sense them. and if there's any eye to see them, then it's the eye of your heart. (so explicable why i wrote about fairies for the grad thesis of high school)

and another thing that is important for me is:

"people, or human beings, are what intrigues me and means a lot to me."

it doesnt mean that i love people. well, i like people in the way i hate them at the same time. the thing is, i can embrace the contradictions that human withholds and those might be the things that i want to look into deeply and treasure and face through my whole life. and i am proud of myself that, after all the heart breaking things, i still dont hate human beings entirely and even can face and accept their vicious nature.

and where those two converged was the ad agency, which you always have to think what a targeted group thinks often unconsciously and come up with the ideas of communicating with them often not in the linguistic way. in other words, you have to look into the people's heart, and often have to sense it, and come up with the way of communication that the ideas or the feelings get shared by sensing them and not by tangible rationale.
(and this aspect is what i always had when studying conflicts; it is not rationale in the end and people's heart matters both in escalating the conflicts or de-escalating them. and i always was looking into the conflicts form the point of view of "why one man could kill the other.")

and one last but not least thing is that there's no perfect job per se only for you. at least, at this moment of my life; i cant tell what job perfectly suits me so clearly in details. but i can make it the perfect job for me by working hard with all my best. that way i'll have to face more and learn more.

ミュージカル女優 笹本玲奈さんの話を聴いて

今日のトップランナーでミュージカル女優の笹本玲奈さんが取り上げられていた。

この人は僕は知らなかったけれど、とても芯のある目でしっかりと自分の経験を通して考え抜いたことをもとに話しているな、と感じて、目を奪われた。調べてみたら、自分と同い年。就活を通じて色々な同年代に会えたけど、こんなに成熟してて引き込まれる人はいなかった。
(まぁ、自分たちの方が一つ上で、回り道はしているけれど)

その中で彼女が言っていたことの中に、

「自分の青春をなげうってまで、ミュージカルをやってきたという意地があったんです。だから、他の人生もあったけど、大学に行かずにミュージカル女優を選んだんです。」

というものがあり、とても心に刺さった。

今までの自分の人生の岐路での選択というものを振り返らされて。僕は岐路に立ったときに方向転換をすること多いのかな、と。テニスもそう。就職もそう。それだけではなかったけれども、テニスに勝ちきれなかった自分がいることは間違いがない。その後、そういった気持ちもあったから大学生活は本当に頑張れたけど。

結局、ピアノもテニスも長く彼女と一緒の時期にやりながらも、彼女ほどの「意地」というものが持てなかったのだろう。それは丁度今も考えるべきこと。

紛争の勉強を大学生活でやってきた意地がある。と僕は言う。はっきり言って、日本で修士までで没頭せずにやっている学生とは比べる必要もないでしょう。けれども、今、1年後には一時的と信じつつ、その勉強から離れようとしている。それで納得できるのか？　結局その程度のものなのか？　と聴いてみてもいい。

将来はやはり紛争解決の現場で貢献したい。
そのために広告を選んだということもある。繋がっていることもある。
けれども、それをもっと問い詰めてもいいと思う。

人生は回り道で深くなる。
けれども、人生は1本道を行き続けることでも深くなる。
なんとなくが一番いけない。
強く明確な意志と覚悟が要る。これから自分が自分で歩んでいくために。

and one thing more

and one thing more is that i am now proud of what i've been thru and my life, thus am sure that i can go thru this job hunting process, and no matter the results, it cannot break me into pieces.

so even if dont get the good results from them or any other companies, i will still be proud of myself and sure about my being.

what the life is

at least i did my best that i could do there...
it's important to learn from the failures. next time, when i get another chance, i do better.

just after the interviews, i often feel that i passed, and some time later, i gradually get nervous realizing the parts that i could have done better. but it is impossible to be perfect under the circumstances which you have to answer the unexpected or difficult questions only by thinking for 3 seconds each. although it was not perfect, in some parts, it couldn't be helped. but i'm dieing for the place in the company!!!

so i hate to wait for the results for days. and this time, i can't afford to fail!! but at least, i did pretty well with all my best. so if i dont get the good result, maybe it was meant to be that way from the beginning and i still have to go on for the other ways.

and that is perfectly what the life is.

追記

あと、そんな状態だった僕を今まで選考過程を進めてくれていた企業の数々。
本当にありがとうございます。

これからは、本当に必死に臨ませていただきます。

必死にやらないと、やばい！

落ちるべくして落ちたのかもしれない。「べく」なんてものは、この世の中存在しないのだろうけど、落ちたという事実は間違いなく存在しているのでしょう。「プライド」とかあったけど、そんなものに捉われる様なことがなくなってから、本当の就活が始まるのかもしれない。思えば、そういったものがあって、企業も選んでいた。自分はこういうところにいかないともったいないと言う様な考えが水面下にあったことに落ちてみて気付く。そんなことは結果を出してから言えば言いことだね(その考えが合っているかは別にして)。自分をしっかりと視てあげるということがどういうことか分かった気がする。今受かっていても、人生なめていたし、「自分」を商品にして磨ける営業がしたいといいつつ、会社名に頼った営業をやるようになっていたと思う。だから、これから残っているところも更に大変なところばかりだけれど、本当に企業の研究をし、自分を見つめなおし、武器を磨き、内定を勝ち取るしかない。それこそ、必死に必死に必死にやらないと。

それに完璧なところなんてないよ。そこで自分が一生懸命必死に働くことで、学ぶことも増え、完璧なところになるんだと思う。

ということで、かなり色々考えたけど、明日からかなりリセットして頑張れそうです！

プライドなんてカスだよ、といわれたけど、そういう風に思えるようになって、結果を出して、そしてプライドを持って、でも、そのプライドには依存しない、というのが健全だね。「プライド」に凝り固まってた部分が大きいね。今は、人生で初めて、プライドなんてカスだと思える。これは大きな変化だね。落ちてみるもんです。こういったことに気付いていれば、受かっていたのかもしれないしね。いや、そんなことは言わずに、本当にやばいから。洒落にならない状況に置かれているので、本当に死ぬ気でやらないと。

夜遅くに電話してごめん！
ありがとう！！
助かった！何とか道を外さずに行けそう。

ありがとう！

武居、まみこ、でみっちゃん、しもしも、ちんぺいさん、ほってぃ、みんなありがとう！
これからは社会に出て、社会を切り開いてください。

こんな同期に恵まれるなんて、香川研に入ってよかった！

Youth

Youth by Samuel Ullman

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.

Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than a body of twenty. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.

Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young.

When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at twenty, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch the waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at eighty.

----------

now i know what i was in. friends did tell me that i am so covered with cynicism and pessimism but i've said that's the way of the reality; it's all about contradiction and irony, that's what i've been thinking.

and now i wonder did i ever had youth in me in my life or not? maybe i've been feeling it inside me but oppressed it all down thinking that just dont fit to the way the reality works and maybe was afraid of being said as naive and getting hurt. i never could find what optimism is worth for until now. but now, i'm desperate to have it in me.

i first read this poem a few years ago, maybe right after i got into uni, but this sounded so cheeky and i never could get what it meant. now i perfectly fit into his explanations of state of old; "covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism." cynicism and pessimism indeed were my two best friends that accompanied me and i was being very comfortable with that to be honest. now i realized that just not is the perfect choice for me.

job hunting

i cant sleep, more like i hate to sleep.
cos i'm afraid to see the nightmare again which i've been seeing this week.
but i've got to in the end as i already have ruined one big application for that.
but one thing that i didnt know is that it, what i see in my nightmare, meant so much to me even more than i thought it did. and i think i'm glad about this fact that i did have something that means that much to me at this stage of the life.

job hunting. it can be troublesome and annoying sometimes cos it keeps you away from the things you want to do and always makes you deal with the things you have to do. but in overall, it's not too tough. it's not too stressful except for the fact that i have to deal with dues and dues and dues. rather, it's so intriguing as i kind of expected and is such a good way to find and figure out how the world, esp in business sense, is worked out.

and no wonder, i thought. it's the opportunity that everybody and the society expect you to look inside you and back you up to think almost only about you. and the society is just there to see you, not necessarily the way you want it to and then it just sought of select you, but still is there having some interest on you. and at the end of the day, i love to think of myself. i like to get drown in those kinds of thoughts.

and life cant come to an end no matter you get accepted to any of the good companies that you like or not. life may can be a lot easier if it can be ended that easily anytime. that's the vicious but intriguing part of life.

and you know, what i really thank about myself is that, no matter the results, i've always tried to do my best and devote myself so much into everything that meant to me. yes, i got hurt many times and that's how i see the life ironically and cynically but still was the important path. many say that job hunting process is so heartbreaking and stressful, but for me, it's like: compared to what? life's always like that and thus is worth living. compared to the things i went through esp the ones of last year, job hunting is nothing but something superficial. and many say it's stressful and you get lost when you look for who you are, but i think that was what i have been doing always and that exactly is the process of life. if you cant enjoy looking for who you are, you cant enjoy life. i guess it's kind of the human nature. the ones who cant enjoy thinking of who you are just dont know the way of doing that.

so the best trick way that you go through some heartbreaking and self-existence-breaking experiences before the job hunting. compared to those things, job hunting is nothing (at least for me up till now). and you cant have that kind of experiences in a day. so it's all about the stories, memories, thoughts, tears, joy, experiences, all of those things that make you up till now. and i'm glad that i am kind of proud of all those things, things that i've come through. (so life in uppsala was such a fruitful experience for me)

maybe i get lost when i think of the opportunities abroad, both business and int'l cooperation, and the MA opportunities as well after finishing this japanese process of job hunting. but still, the "encounters" will guide me. encounters as of both people and opportunities. and i dont think i get too good oppotunities in my hand anyway, haha. and just one of those is enough (if i could get any haha) :)

googlego!

happy 50th bday, LEGO!!

一風堂。

どうしてもやるせないことが一つある。
一風堂の味がメニューのリニューアルで落ちたこと。
僕の食の楽しみの確実に大きなある一部分を奪われた。

大衆化しすぎたのでしょうか。だとしたら、調子乗るなよ。
昔からの客を大事にしやがれ。

スープもコクがないし、面も細くしすぎてコクがない。
早く茹でたいだけだろ。

本当にやるせないし、頭にくるのです。
客全員でボイコットして、前のメニューに戻したいところです。
変わらないのは、もやしだけ。

RENT to end...

so, they will close down RENT this june. the day had to come but it came all in sudden.

thinking and thanking all the pleasures, messages and power that i've received, i hope it's gonna come back again. i dont want it to become "legend." it's too good to become legend, it has to stay real over generations.

hell no.

it's tough to live. and it is never ending at least in perception. or it could end tomorrow. at least, in terms possibility, i could die tomorrow. or if life lasts so long, i feel that it can make me suffer in pain so long. thinking life is the succession of pain, obstacles and grief, and i have to overcome all of them, i wonder how am i able to cope with all the suffering and be happy. and i wonder how people are coping with everything. or why do we deserve those pain? or am i just not strong and mighty enough to go through those suffering? i cant, not even once, recall myself being happy from the bottom of my heart. is it because that i had been always seeking for more and more and never perceived the reality as happy it is? or am i supposed to perceive the happiness? isnt it the thing that i reach the realization in some point that i am happy? i have never reached that kind of point, at least like being happy from the bottom of my heart. people say that they realize that they are happy occasionally, like when they are walking down the street alone and suddenly the idea that they are happy pops up and fulfills them. it never happened to me.

but still, i have to live on. forgetting is not the way that i wanna chose. regretting always is also wrong. i want to absorb all the regrets, sadness, grief and pain to go on. forgetting is like leaving behind for me. and i dont want to leave behind those pain and remorse. all those pain has to become my fresh and blood. those experience has to construct me. so that i will not make the same mistake ever again so that i will not suffer because of the same reason. but i dont know the way to do so. pain is eating me too much right now.

i know that perhaps the time solves everything, but only if i try hard to live on. it's so simple and perhaps crystal clear. and it's very important to stay positive and to "do" something always and keep you busy all the time. but, what is really vicious is that when i try to concentrate to one thing and try to gather all my nerves and sense down to one thing to focus on, all those memories and pain get summoned.

ah, but one thing good that i realized now is that writing down all those thoughts and feelings makes me feel a bit better and ease. and then after that some sort of energy glimpse follows. i even feel a bit rebellious. are you happy letting yourself eaten by those pain? hell no. so i go finish up revising one paper before that energy fades.

2007年、2008年、留学、勉強、失恋、帰国、home、上野「樹里」=シンプルに笑おう！

そろそろ2007年が終わろうとしています。

早かったといえば、早かったです。けれども色々なことがあり、色々なことを学び、色々なことを感じ、色々な扉を少し閉じ、色々な扉を少し開け、色々なことが詰まった一年でした。もう終わりなんだという毎年訪れる感覚と共に、「やっと終わってくれた」と感じたのは初めてでした。それだけ、ずっしりと重く、大変で、前にはなかなか進めなかったけれど、色々と頑張ったし、頑張れなかったかもしれない、とにかくとてもとてもずっしりと詰まった一年でした。そういう意味で、遅かったといえば、遅かったといえます。

「生きる」であったり、「人生」であったり、「経験」といった言葉が自分の中で持つ意味が大きく変わった一年だったと思います。というより、そういった言葉の持つ意味が分かってきたというか、ずっしりと思い言葉で、とても大変な言葉であり、事象だと分かりました。そこの重みを理解し、かみ締めながらも押しつぶされず、厭世的にならず、明るく生きる道を今探そうとしているのだと思います。それが2008年の目標です。「自分探し」。生きているのなら、明るく生きなければ損だ。それだけ本当はシンプルなことなはず。

今は、一昨日はウプサラの今はいらない過去と決別をして、ウプサラの友人たちと結構突然にホームパーティーをし、昨日はひのあやに会い、舞に会い、今日は何もせずゆっくりとできる安堵と喜びを感じた。この年末という時間は、もう少し一人ゆっくり何もしない静かな安心できる時間を作ろうと思う。色々とそぎ落とし、軽くなり、心のエンジンと安心を得ようと思う。



で、このポストの目的は、
映画「虹の女神」がとってもよかったということ！それを伝えたかったということ！あはは。笑
(だから日本語で書いてたのね。)
キャストそれぞれの、とくに上野樹里の良質な演技、脚本、脚色。全てが自分という存在に染みた。こういう風に映画のエッセンスと雰囲気が心に染みてくる感覚はとても安堵感と充足感に包まれるし、自分の中からもそれが「じわーっ」と沸いてくる。邦画で初めて好きになった。上野樹里の演技によるところもとても大きいね。

「のだめ」では彼女は好きになれなかったんだけれど、こんな演技も出来るんだ、と思って、その上で「のだめ」の様な演技の出来る彼女に感動しました。甘酸っぱいけど甘すぎも酸っぱすぎもせず、とてもこみ上げてくるけれども激しくなく、台詞には出てこないその役の気持ちが彼女の演技を通してとても伝わってくる。こんな女優は見たことがないというか、これが演技だ、と思いました。

彼女は色々な幅をもった演技が出来るそう。それに、何よりも色々な事に「体当たり」な様。それに同じ21歳、1986年生まれ(学年は僕が一つ上だけど)。そんなところにもとても魅かれます。こんなに根本的にファンになったのは始めてだと思います。

ちなみに、彼女の名前「樹里」は、まっすぐ伸びるようにという意味だそうです。自分が今本当にそうありたいし、親になったら結局はそういうことを子供にシンプルに求めるのだろうとも思います。

そういう訳で、2008年は「自分探し」の年ですが、
もっと「シンプル」に、もっと「まっすぐ」に、そして、もっと「笑ってやる」年にしてやろうと思います！

「やまとなでしこ」の数学

この季節になると必ず恒例の再放送がされる「やまとなでしこ」。
僕の一番大好きなドラマです。これを超えるものはこの前にも先にもないでしょう。
若葉のかわいさと悲哀さを見るためにいつもネットのどこでアップされているかチェックしてしまいます。

そんな中で、凄く好きなサイトがこれ。
「やまとなでしこ」の数学

FORGET REGRET OR LIFE IS YOURS TO MISS!!

guess what!!?? i went to see RENT, the musical, today with one of my best high school friends! and it's been almost 4 years since i first wished to go see it when the Broadway visits japan... there was once that i couldn't go because of the stupid schedule that i dont even remember but it sure must have been the important one since i gave up RENT because of that. and another chance, last year, i was in sweden... that's the only thing that made me regretted the fact i was in uppsala while i was there!!

well, the season that they never gonna pay last years rent, that the christmas bells ring, that roger has to lit mimi's candle came again!

it's been long since i last listened all the detail lyrics, and it came inside me very differently compared to the previous times. maybe because of the current circumstances that i'm going through. i, especially, liked the ending that mark and roger finally chose to get the job or to sell the guitar to buy a car, and at the same time, they know that they are living on lies not ideals, but still, they have decided to go on. the last song perfectly represents the state that they are in by the famous phrase "no day but today" coming up front on melody while the verse "when i loose my dignity, will somebody care?" going underneath. life is, as such, the mixture of those two sides and dichotomy never works.

it is the most powerful musical that moves me the most. and i realised today that the composer synchronized himself to roger when he made roger sing that he wants the passion that burns him and makes him leave a song of youth before he dies. im sure that the composer was thinking exactly like that and that's the reason why it's so powerful and moves me whenever i see it. he actually died just before the opening, and later, he won the tony awards and pulitzer prize for drama. his soul is there all the way through the musical. and it resides there as long as people adore RENT.

and the phrase that perfectly suits to my state now is:

FORGET REGRET OR LIFE IS YOURS TO MISS!!

キュレーター 長谷川祐子さん / Curator, Yuko Hasegawa

一番大好きな番組、NHKの「プロフェッショナル 仕事の流儀」で、キュレーターという美術展を企画・監督する仕事の長谷川祐子さんという方が取りあげられていた。とっても胸を打たれたので忘れないうちに書き残しておこうと思って。

キュレーターの仕事にはこれが大切だということがありますか？

(しばらく考えた後に)アートの力を信じているってことだと思います。

長谷川さんにとって、アートの力って何ですか？

人の心を世界へ、、、今までと違った形で開いてくれることだと思います。そして、内へも開いてくれる。

プロフェッショナルとは？

色々な文句や不満はあるでしょうけれども、今いる場所をユートピアに出来る人だと思います。

--

there's one show of NHK (japanese national broadcaster) called "Professionals -the Art of Working-," which interviews the significant workers in various fields what the job means to them and what they think is the way of professionals. and this week, it was the lady who works as a chief curator currently at Museum of Contemporary Art, Tokyo. there were some lines that touched me and dug deep into my heart so i decided to jot them down before i forget them.

-what especially is important for being a curator?

the fact that you are believing in the power of art.

-what is the power of art for you?

the power that can open up one's mind to the world,,, to,,, in the way it never did. and it opens up to the inner-self as well.

-what is "professional" for you?

one that can make where he/she is the utopia among the complaints and disappointments.

challenges of journalism

this is the video the former iht journalist interviewing the current editor of iht. they discuss about the critical essences and challenges of journalism i.e. the use of new tools while preserving the traditional essence of journalism, for instance, the independence, accuracy and transparency. the part the editor speaks that we need the journalism that gives somewhat the sense of order to the enormous amount of information we face everyday through internet, tv, radio and etc, thus the "quality" always wins, was quite powerful and convincing for me. and also, the interviewer pointed out the similar point saying, with the technology advancement, medias start to share the same kind of platforms as they competitively share the advanced tools, thus the "quality" of information will gain further more importance. those points are quite significant as we often value the speed of the information mainly due to the advanced technology of internet.

best tv ad which i never saw on tv

shiny tangible evidence explaining spike jonze is the distinct genius.
the one of gap's, which was tested probably in part of US.

the best comment on youtube:
"as a former gap employee, i understand their feelings. :)"

@laboratory. 2am

got nothing much to say except for im doing quite alright with the internship and the study but i feel that i've got a hole in my soul which i can't fill in. i know what has dug the hole and i can't do anything about it.

facebook's the best way to always keep in touch with the ppl i want to. but it also hurts to see the updated news often including the ones that i dont want to see. it's hurting to see the pictures of that somebody and it reminds me so inevitably that she still means so much to me. it hurts so badly to feel that i still am somehow connected with her in a way, being reminded of her all the time and always ending up watching her photos. i have finished saying goodbye in my mind and time will solve everything for me.

but it still is a vicious cycle.